Note for My Children: Lesson 5: What I learned from your Great Grandfather

Dear My sweethearts,

Today is 14th October 2011- your great paternal grandfather’s birthday. If he is still alive he would be 96 years old today. We call him “Ayah”-even if we are his grandchildren. He was born on the 14th October 1915 in Johor. He was a great man because he taught me many things since I was small until he closed his eyes in August 2006. As I told you before, I stayed with Ayah (with your Aunty Yati & Uncle Im) until I was 9 years old. During those days, taking maids was not as popular as we do now. That time Tok Abah & Tok Mama were both working & could not find someone to assist in taking care of us, so that was the reason we were raised by Ayah & Chu (your great grandmother) in Klang.

I have been thinking about Ayah lately, I think I will share some of my memories with him. Ayah was an active, discipline & hardworking man, as much as I can still remember; he worked until he was about in his 60s. He was an electrical engineer, started working with the Telekom as a technician. Those days we could hardly find educated people, but your great grand father was one of them. He could fix most of the household electrical appliances; still remember your Tok Abah usually sent him electrical goods such as rice cooker, toaster if they need to be fixed. Usually Ayah would stay in his “workshop”- a room in the back of the house which was also our study room. He would accompany us studying while he did his work.

Here are the few things I learned from him along the way:

1) Work hard for the family

He has 8 children (7 boys & 1 girl (your Tok Arah) . He got married to his sister in-law after your great paternal grandmother passed away due to cancer. He had to take care of 8 of his children plus 4 of his nieces/nephews, one of them is your Tok Jah- who is also a special needs person (She is dumb & deaf). Just imagine how hard to be him. But he managed to raise them well. Most of his children are educated & had great jobs. Your Tok Abah had once told me that one day he asked money from Ayah to buy something but later Ayah took out a handkerchief with jewelry; he said “it’s not that I don’t want to give you money. But this is the only thing I have. I don’t have money, but if it is important to you, I can pawn this gold”. Additional to this, I think I still remember someone had told me when I was young that Ayah had been offered to further his studies in the UK but he had to reject it due to his commitments to the family. He had sacrificed so much to the family.

2) Importance of Education & knowledge

Ayah was really good in Maths & he was among my best Maths teacher. He taught me about algebra, trigonometry, progression (arithmetic & geometric) , basic maths formula etc. He made me so in love in Mathematics; that was why the only subjects I got A1 for my SPM were additional mathematics & modern mathematics. He once said to me “Mathematics is all around us, it’s also about life. Maths is about solving a problem; we will solve it when we use the right formula”.

He was also an English & Bahasa Malaysia teacher to me. He loved to read & share my story books. Usually I would share the stories which I’ve read to him especially Bahasa Malaysia story books on “kisah-kisah dongeng” before we went to sleep. He would ask me “what did you learn from the book?”. He told me there’s always a lesson from a story book even if it is only about an elephant.

3) Be kind to everyone

One thing I noticed about Ayah when he drove his car was that he would raise his hand to show/signal  thank you to other drivers after they gave way to him. It is like a habit to him. He always remind me to talk nicely to everyone; be good to everyone & show some appreciation when they do good things to us.

4) Table manners

Ayah had been involved in an accident in Pahang which made one of his legs weak/paralysed but he still moved with his crutches. But that did not stop him to do anything he wanted like driving & working. Due to his condition, he started to eat with fork & spoon. That was when he taught me about the table manners & etiquette. He taught me the right way to put/arrange culinary/utensil on the table & a napkin is a must. He showed me the right way to eat a bowl of soup & “Never to put your elbows on the table”.

5) The most important space in a house

One day Ayah asked me “Do you know what is the most important space in a house?” so I answered “it must be the living room because all the family members will gather here”. Then he replied “No, it is your bedroom because your bedroom is your private space. Never let strangers/visitors to easily enter your bedroom. When you are at people’s home, do not enter their bedroom unless you are explicitly permitted to do so”. I think that was my first lesson about architecture.

6) Eat first then pray

Ayah always said that if you are hungry, fill your stomach first then you perform your prayer. This is to ensure that we concentrate (khusyuk) more during our prayers. He was right; when food was served to Ibn 'Umar and the iqama was given, he would not go to the prayer until he had finished, even if he heard the Imam reciting. Ibn 'Umar said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "When one of you is eating, he should not rush but should eat as much as he needs to, even if the iqama of the prayer is given. "It is part of a man's understanding to attend to his need so that he can attend to his prayer with a clear heart.“

7) Lock the door every time before we have our meals at home

Ayah would always reminded us to lock all the doors before we have our meals. He said “who knows, while we are enjoying our food, bad strangers would just enter the house”.

8) “Salam” to show respect to others

Salam here means shake hands with others especially older people. Ayah always adviced us to salam older people (especially when we were young) in showing respect & to greet others. Thus,this would be a great first impression of us to others. That is why I always remind this to all of you every time before we visit anyone “Sampai rumah orang nanti, salam dengan semua orang tau”. This is just like a training session; you will get use to it. =)



9) Family is the most important thing.

This was his favorite saying. It was instilled in all of us.

10) Never stop learning.

“Even if you are a woman, just proceed to achieve what you have aimed for.”


Kids, I hope you gained something today. Please respect & love your grandparents. They are very important persons in our lives, if not because of them; we won’t even be here.


Love, Your Mama

“Ayah, if you are still alive you would be 96 years old today. I used to be the 1st among your grand children to wish you birthday,even if I was at school I would search for a public phone just to call you & wish. Then I would make your day; you would tell your children that I was the 1st person to wish you that. How time really flies, it has been 5 years since you're gone, but memories with you are still with me- your love,guidance,caring heart. Ayah, I wish you could still hear my bday wish to you. Ya Allah, Bestow on him Your Mercy as he did bring me up when I was young. Al-Fatihah..”

-14th October 1915 - August 2006 : Yaacob Bin Hitam

by Tini Yahya on Friday, 14 October 2011 at 14:30

Note for My Children: Lesson 4: Being Clean & Healthy

My daughter dearest,

Do you know why I always emphasis on cleanliness? Let me tell you about what we did during weekends during our childhood. Your Tok Abah & Tok Mama would wake us up around 9am every Sunday. Yeah, we would be like “alah.. why do we have to wake up early even on weekends?” . But we could not disobey our parents (We would not like to make your Tok Abah angry). So we got up & each of us would be a given special task. Usually your Aunty Yati & I would do the vacuuming all rooms including the living room, kitchen & even the toilets (Tok Mama doesn’t like to see all the spider webs). Then we would wipe all the decorative & collection items from the display cupboards. Uncle Im would clean all the fans in the house. Tok Abah would cut the lawn & Tok Mama would clean the toilets. During that time, Uncle Man & Aunty Yam were still small to do anything. That’s what I call as our Spring-cleaning Day & all of us work as a team. As a result, we have a clean & nice home to stay. All of us took part & that has become a habit to me until now. That’s why I ask some of you to help me to clean the house every Sunday. From what I learned “Anything that is taught at a very early stage will go a long way throughout life. It is essential to cultivate the habit of cleanliness at an early age.” I want to raise you the same way I had been raised before. Don’t worry, we learn step by step.

Lesson 4: Being Clean & Healthy

Why is it so important? Being clean is not only for your body. Cleanliness is the way you live, the way you talk, the way you take care of your body, or even the way you take care of your home and belongings. Hence, being clean and tidy creates the best impression to others. I’m also pretty certain that you have learned about being clean at your school including your Sekolah Agama. To brush your teeth regularly, taking a nice bath, to wash your hands before you eat are some good examples. Then you will learn about taking wuduk or bersuci  before you read the Quran and pray.Islam places great emphasis on cleanliness, in both its physical and spiritual aspects. Physical cleanliness and spiritual purity are two different sides of cleanliness. Both are bound up with each other. We will be rewarded by Allah for doing so because Allah loves us being clean.

People who practice good hygiene are typically healthier. Staying clean helps fight off bacteria that cause illnesses. Do you like to get sick? I’m sure all of us don’t. When your body is healthy then your mind is also set and ready to gain and digest what you have learned. This means you can learn easily.

One more thing which I always stress on is to take care of our environment. Please don’t throw any rubbish outside from a car. We can be ill when our environment is not clean and polluted. We need clean air to breathe. Love your environment & you will enjoy it very much. Do you like to go to a dirty public toilet? I’m sure you will say “Euww..that’s so gross & digusting!!” and you can’t even do your business there. That’s why you need to make sure the toilet is really clean after you have used & before you leave.

The good thing of cleanliness is the good feeling when we are clean. We will feel comfortable and I’m sure you will get more friends. Isn’t that great? I’m sure to keep yourself tidy is an easy thing to do. We can do our responsibility together to keep a healthy lifestyle. Do remember this:

“Cleanliness is one key to good health. Good health is a matter of how well you assemble your life together”.

Hope you have learned something today.

Love,

Mama

by Tini Yahya on Thursday, 15 September 2011 at 13:39_Facebook

Note for My Children: Lesson 3: Pay It Forward

Dearest Anak-anakku,

Last Saturday I took 2 of you to my friend’s wedding where we received a book & kuih bahulu as the door gift. The small book, “Bingkisan untuk anak-anakku” was written by the bride’s mother as the ‘bunga telur’, as the remembrance of her only daughter’s wedding. I was so touched & I wish I could afford to do the same thing. The contents of book are very short & simple but all the advices are very meaningful. One of the contents is “tentang menjadi Orang yang Baik di sisi Allah SWT” – to become a good person.

Lesson 3: Pay It Forward

I believe being good is not only to Allah but to all living things & to yourself. We should also respect the animals & love them. Who knows they can take us to the Heaven :). There’s a movie called “Pay It Forward” which I just love the message. It is described as an obligation to do three good deeds for others in repayment of a good deed that one receives, and that such good deeds should be things that the person cannot accomplish on their own. The recipient of such acts of kindness is then expected to do three good deeds for others in repayment for the help they have received. In this way, the need to help each other can spread exponentially through society, creating a social movement with the hopes of making the world a better place.

Pay it forward or paying it forward refers to repaying the good deeds one has received by doing good things for other unrelated people. For example, Sarah helps Dania & instead of Dania helps Sarah back, she helps Marsya then Marsya can help Hana & Sarah. In Islam, the message is actually about doing something good sincerely without expecting rewards in return. Remember when I always give you some money & ask you to donate to the needy ones like the blinds, orphans, poor people? This is what your Tok Abah always asked me to do when I was about your age. Until now your Tok Mama sends some food to Rumah Anak-anak Yatim monthly. Try to help others as much as we could afford or capable. This is what you are willing to do & not by forcing. Do all the good deeds with ‘hati yang ikhlas’. All the good deeds will clean your heart. It will be a good habit. =)

I’m sure all of you are kind-hearted. For me, I always try my best to help & do good things to others even if it is hard to do or it is not affordable. It’s hard to say “No. sorry I can’t help you”. When there’s a Makcik sells kerepek/kuih-muih, I just don’t have the heart to say to her “maaf makcik, saya tak mau beli”. I will at least spare RM10. If I don’t have the money means no ‘rezeki’ for that Makcik.  Sometimes you will say “alah…buat apa nak tolong dia, dia bukan baik dengan kita pun” or “I already helped her but she still doing bad things to me”. Don’t worry kids, Allah is always there for us.”Hari ini hari orang lain, esok lusa mungkin hari kita pula”. The most important thing is your heart. Be nice to people & might be the unrelated people/strangers will be nice to you. We don’t know when will be our turn to ask for help.  There’s an old say “Buat baik berpada-pada, buat jahat jangan sekali”.

I can guarantee that you will feel happy when you make other people happy. You won’t lose anything. Keep your friendships because I always believe in them.

I hope you get this message right. All of you are my anak-anak solehah.

Love, Mama

by Tini Yahya on Tuesday, 13 September 2011 at 16:15

Note for My Children: Lesson 2- Why Education is so important?

Dearest My Sweethearts,

I know & I’m sure there are times when you feel “Oh no..Do I have to study again?!” or you would say “ala Mama ni..lagi-lagi suh buat homework”. You know what? I felt that too when I was a student. Your grandfather, Tok Abah is a strict man but a very WISE man. Remember how many times I told you that he reads a lot? He reads anywhere and anytime & especially before he goes to sleep. You can just see him sleeping with tones of books, magazines & newspapers around him (I wish I could do the same thing =).Try to ask him anything. I still remember we were in Holland (Tok Abah took us (his children) for a holiday) that time when a tour guide was giving us briefing about her country. Your Tok Abah shared his view and what he had read about the country including the history. The tour guide was so impressed by what he had mentioned. She said Tok Abah knows better about her country than she does. Then I realized learning is not a dull/tedious/monotonous thing, it would be really fun when you know how to use what you have learned. Furthermore, it does not mean when you don’t get good grades, you don’t learn anything.

Lesson 2: Why Education is so important?

I still remember when I was about your age, when Tok Abah took us somewhere & he saw people who worked as cleaners, toll attendants or homeless; he would say “ Did you see that? Do you want to be like them?”. Please don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t ridiculing them; what he meant was “you can choose what you want to be in the future but you have to strive for it. Study smart and grab the opportunity to learn as much as you could because if not, you will end up just like them.” Some of us were born & brought up in less fortunate families, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change our life. There’s no such thing of “this is what Allah has set for me & I can’t do anything about it, I will just redha”. Allah won’t change you unless you change yourselves. But there are times when you will face His tests.

Do you know why I send you (Dania & Sarah) to a Chinese school? Plus Sekolah agama? Tuition classes? I want you to get the best education I could provide. I know I don’t have much time to teach you myself. I can only monitor you during night time when the time is so limited. When you are still young, your brain is like a sponge, it will absorb as much water as possible- meaning you can learn anything easily, you manage to memorize more things. Trust me, I’m not making your life miserable, because learning is fun. I really miss my school days- ponteng sekolah pun Mama tak nak tau.

Whatever it is, you will become into a PERSON from learning. Like I said before; formal & informal education will make you WISER and help you to SURVIVE. You will know how to control your HEART & MIND. I know it’s not easy to get good results, just do your best. Learning is a long process, do it step by step.

I just learned this "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." — Albert Einstein

All of you make me proud.

I love you,

Mama

by Tini Yahya on Friday, 09 September 2011 at 09:53_ from my Facebook.

Note For My Children: Lesson No.1 : 3 Important Words; Please, Sorry & Thank you

I have posted this on my Notes in FB before but I think from now on I will post all my Note for my Children in my blog as well. I think it's time for me to concentrate with my writing & post it in my blog. There are so many things that I want to share with my children which I'm afraid time is so crucial. As parents, we always seem to be wishing for more time. I hope my children will learn something from writing as their guidelines in life especially when I'm not around later.

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Thursday, 08 September 2011, 5.00pm

My dearest kiddos,

I'm sorry, I know I can't afford to give each of you all of my attention by atleast reading you story books like I used to do before.I've always wanted to share with you my own stories. There are times we learn more through informal education, which I always believe that makes us WISER.The informal education which I'm referring to is our own EXPERIENCES or what we've been adviced.Therefore, I've always wanted to have a journal, to share every single thing in my life with you even if I'm not around.I hope from now on I will atleast spare you a note a day.

Lesson No.1 : 3 Important Words; Please, Sorry & Thank you

Since I was young, these are the 3 words that always pop out of my mouth. Do say please,Sorry & Thank you as they show your manners. They are just simple words but give great impact. How do you feel when someone ask for help and uses 'please'? I'm sure it would touch your heart and you will try to help him/her as much as you could. If you want people to treat the same thing like you treat others, practise this word.

Sorry & Thank you- These are my favourite words. Just imagine if you get hurt & angry with someone, she says sorry immidiately-how would u feel? When you are growing up saying “sorry” is a magical thing, and so easy to do. No matter what you have done, a simple “sorry”, even if you don't mean it, and all is forgiven. (it will be a complicated word when you become older, dont worry you will learn). But say it with all your heart.Some examples are " Maaf Makcik/pakcik, kalau saya menyusahkan sebab kena hantar saya balik rumah" or " Maaf menggangu pakcik/makcik, boleh saya bercakap dengan...,Terima kasih". Thank you shows how you appreciate people. I'm sure you like to be appreciated (all of us do) but the word "Thank You" means more than just an appreciation of people's kindness. I like this phase 'Love isn’t love until it is given away; until it flows over to others'- like giving thanks. How do say thank you to Allah? By saying Alhamdulillah,I'm sure Allah will always listen to you because you appreciate his LOVE.

I hope that I've taught you something today. Dania, if you are reading this please share it with your sisters. I will try write more notes for all of u to replace my time which I could not spend  with you.

I love u so much..

Yours,
Mama